While many narcissists are the text-book, in your face, type of narcissist, there is another type known as a covert narcissist. You see, these are the narcissists that are more on the down-low regarding their personality, but if you know what to look for, they are easily spotted.
According to the Appalachian State University’s Psychology Department, “In contrast to the Arrogant / Overt Narcissist, the Shy / Covert Narcissist is characterized by vulnerability and sensitivity which manifests itself in defensiveness and hostility. Like the Arrogant / Overt Narcissist, the Shy / Covert Narcissist has grandiose fantasies, feels a sense of entitlement, and is exploitive.”
And while they may be hard to spot if you don’t know what to look for, Psychology Today asserts that there are a number of traits that give them away.
1. Quiet Feelings of Superiority
While they won’t be as in your face as the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist is likely to make backhanded remarks and judgments that say their feelings without the narcissist giving their motives entirely away.
2. Difficult Relationship Patterns
The covert narcissist is likely to have many ex-relationships under their belt. However, they won’t give away the fact that they were the problem. Instead, they are likely to be the victim.
3. They Will Quietly Build Themselves Up
Due to their narcissism, it is likely that this person will have dysfunctional social traits. However, they will not own up to that. Instead, they will blame the world and call themselves ‘special’, ‘ahead of their time’, or ‘one of a kind.’
4. Passive-Aggression
To avoid being spotted, the covert narcissist will hold back their demons for the known world to see. But, to their victim, it is obvious that they are being aggressive. If you react, they will turn the situation around on you.
5. Lack of Empathy
While they may refer to it as feelings of emptiness, it goes much deeper than that. You will be able to see how they truly are in a situation where you need their empathy. Due to the shallow nature of their own feelings, they cannot fathom yours.
6. Simplification of the Needs of Others
The needs of the narcissist will always come first. In order to avoid having to do anything for anyone else, the narcissist will call you needy or simplify your needs to keep the focus on them.
7. Victim Mentality
To many, the narcissist may come off as a victim, due to their pitiful story. But, behind their story lies the victims that remain in the wake of their narcissism. Of course, they may have actually had one time been a victim, however, that doesn’t justify their covert cruelty.
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